


Mr. Claws

by Seanbiggerstaffrox



Category: Teen Wolf (TV), teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Christmas fic, Crack, Crackmas, M/M, Other, Santa Slash, dubcon, statue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:45:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seanbiggerstaffrox/pseuds/Seanbiggerstaffrox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek finds love in a <em>really</em> unexpected place. He also humps a statue. These are not mutually exclusive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SaranghaeSHINee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaranghaeSHINee/gifts).



> Merry Christmas Candy!
> 
> Pictures were made by the fabulous [allthesass](http://allthesass.tumblr.com/)

  
**Mr. Claws:**

_**Prologue:**_

_Once upon a time, there lived a king. A great ruler, he was much beloved by all the little people in his Northern kingdom, and was known throughout the lands as a generous and charitable man. In the winter, he would travel to foreign kingdoms to give presents and supplies to villagers, so that they may brave the oncoming storms with joy and merriment._

_It was on such a journey, to the small township of Crīstesmæsse, he and his assistant found themselves trapped in a blizzard the likes of which they’d never before encountered._

_“Jokul!” The king said to his assistant, having to shout to be heard over the wind. “Is there nothing you can do?” He asked._

_Jokul had been known to have great magicks for controlling ice and snow._

_“I am trying, your jolliness!” Jokul responded, lifting his hand and muttering an incantation under his breath, trying in vain to cease the great gusts that pelted them with snow and threatened to bowl them over._

_The wind stopped and there was a moment of relief before a sharp laugh pierced the air._

“Your spells won’t work for you here, Jack.” 

_A figure stepped through the trees, large antlers emerging through the branches, followed by a withered, bearded gray face. Beaded eyes crinkled as the man’s thin lips pulled back in a horrid smile, exposing his decayed, sharp teeth._

_“Joulupukki.” The king hissed. “What have you done?”_

_“Oh, a little of this, a little of that.” Joulupukki giggled. He twitched his fingers and Jokul collapsed on the ground, unconscious._

_“Jokul!” The king cried, rising from his sled to go to his fallen companion._

_Joulupukki wagged his wrinkled finger, tsking. “Oh no no no, your jolliness, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”_

_The king frowned. “What do you want?” He asked, voice trembling. “Presents? Gold?”_

_Joulupukki waved his hand in disgust. “Morsels, morsels!” He cried. “You think too small, your highness. Such little imagination! I want something so much bigger than that.” Joulupukki smirked, appearing in front of the king without seeming to take any step forward. “And I know just how to get it.” He sneered, running a finger down the king’s face._

_**Chapter 1 – A Fateful Decision** _

It all started when someone desecrated the town statue – a monument of Santa Claus balanced atop a stone pillar. They called in Derek Hale, the local Mr. Fix It and general contractor, to come in and clean up the mess. 

Derek pulled up in his truck, snow crunching under his tires as he parked in front of City Hall. He stepped out into the cold air, breath fogging in front of him and goosebumps rising up on his skin; being a werewolf could only do so much against the chill of Christmastown. He pulled his winter cap onto his head and zipped up his coat, slamming the car door behind him and trodding through frozen ground to the crowd gathered around their beloved idol.

“Derek.” Mayor Deaton said by way of greeting, giving the werewolf a concerned look. 

“Mayor Deaton. What’s the damage?” Derek asked. 

“It’s…not good.” Deaton confessed. “Deputy Barnes?” He called, getting the officer’s attention. “Can you bring us through?” He asked, gesturing at the crowd. 

The deputy nodded, yelling at the crowd to clear a space and letting Derek and the Mayor pass under the crime tape. They were met on the other side by Sheriff Stilinski.  
“Mayor Deaton.” Sheriff said. “Hale.” He nodded tersely at Derek. They’d never quite bridged the gap left from Derek’s delinquent/Town Suspect phase. 

Derek nodded in response before turning his attention to the statue; his stomach sank at the sight of it. Genitalia had been spray painted all over Santa, with a particularly graphic penis placed in an accurate area. Worst yet, it looked like someone had taken a crowbar to him, beating Santa all over and leaving behind dents and fractures. 

“This is how we found it this morning.” Deaton explained. 

“You think you can fix it?” Sheriff Stilinski asked. 

Derek sighed. “It’s an old statue. I can try to match the original material, fill in some of the dents, but he won’t be the same.” 

Sheriff and Deaton exchanged looks. 

“Best chance we got.” Sheriff said. 

Deaton agreed and it was decided that Derek Hale would be in charge of fixing Santa.


	2. Derek Finds Love

_  
**Chapter 2 – Derek Finds Love**  
_

Derek couldn’t start working on the statue till a few days later. He needed to order supplies, the paperwork needed to be filed, and he still had his contracting business to run, the town statue be damned. He finally started fixing the statue on a Friday. The town was pretty quiet, since most people were avoiding the town square so as not to suffer the emotional trauma of seeing Santa beaten and covered in dicks, and Derek pulled up to a fairly abandoned Main Street.

Derek stepped out of his truck, grabbing gloves, a bucket of cleaner, and washcloths. There weren’t a lot of ways to remove spray paint from an antique and still keep the paint intact – correction there were _no_ ways to remove spray paint from an antique and still keep the pain intact – so Santa would be getting a new paint job soon too. In theory, Derek could just paint over the graffiti, but Deaton had protested that notion, talking about the negative energy that would come from knowing the genitalia was still there. No, the graffiti would have to be removed. 

Derek set the bucker and washcloths on the concrete pillar and pulled his gloves on. He then lifted himself up onto the foundation and blinked in surprise when he found himself face to face with the town’s idol. They were about the same height, which seemed oddly laughable to Derek. 

“Let’s see the damage.” Derek muttered, taking a closer look. He ran his hand down Santa’s body, checking the knicks and cracks. Small pieces of statue broke away here and there, but for the most part, Santa wasn’t too terribly damaged. Derek kneeled down, going for his bucket of cleaner and ignoring the small wave of embarrassment he felt when he realized he was inches away from Santa’s crotch. He felt exposed and vulnerable somehow and spared a curious glance up at Santa’s face, stomach flipping at those beady eyes that seemed to follow him everywhere. “Creepy.” Derek muttered, dipping the washcloth into the cleaner and making a move towards the statue so he could start cleaning. 

Derek let out a small chuckle when he realized he didn’t know where to start. Going for the crotch felt too forward, and starting at the face made him feel uneasy, so he settled for the shoes, gently stroking the washcloth across the small phalluses that had been left on Santa’s boot. A few wipes told him that the paint wouldn’t come off easily, even with high grade chemical cleaner, and he’d be there for a while. Derek sighed. 

An hour later, after the sun had set and the town had shut down for the night, Derek was officially bored. So bored, in fact, that he began talking to his lifeless companion. 

“I always hated Christmas.” Derek said, speaking quietly. “Everyone was always making such a fuss about it – decorating, singing, rushing to buy gifts – and it just seemed like a hassle.” Derek said, dunking his washcloth into the cleaner and stroking up Santa’s thigh. “I thought about graffiti-ing you a couple of times.” Derek admitted, looking wryly up at Santa’s face. He could have sworn those blue eyes were watching him. Derek let his hand teasingly wander over Santa’s crotch before he realized what he was doing. Blinking in surprise, Derek dropped the washcloth and pulled his hand back. 

“Um…I should go.” Derek said, not looking into Santa’s face. Had he, he might have noticed that Santa’s cheeks were more flushed than usual. 

That night, when Derek got home, he vigorously masturbated, trying to get whatever urge he had going on out of his system. He resolutely did not think about red suits and jolly old men and he most definitely didn’t dream about cold, lifeless hands and beady blue eyes. 

~`*`~ ~`*`~ ~`*`~

“Hey Derek, how’s the statue going?” Boyd asked when Derek walked into _The Hot Cider_ after work for his usual coffee. 

Derek shrugged noncommittally. 

“I believe that’s Derek Hale speak for ‘can’t talk, need coffee.’” Erica observed wryly, serving up a plate of pie and handing it to Officer Isaac Lahey, who was seated at the counter. 

Isaac and Erica shared a wry grin as Derek grunted, slumping down into a stool. It had been a few days and the statue wasn’t going well at all, truth be told. Derek was making a fair bit of progress on the paint, but it wasn’t fast enough for his tastes – not when he was repeatedly haunted by these weird _urges_. He was about to lose his mind. He would definitely lose something if he didn’t get sleep soon – either he was haunted by less than relaxing dreams or he was up all night looking at Santa porn. He felt slightly comforted by the fact that he wasn’t the only freak who wanted to get his jollies off on Old Kringle. 

“He’s looking pretty good to me.” Isaac observed. 

“Half the paints missing.” Derek countered, raising an eyebrow at Isaac. 

“Half the cocks are missing too.” Erica said, giving him a slice of cherry pie. “On the house.” She said when he opened his mouth to protest.

Derek shouldn’t be surprised really. People had been treating him a hell of a lot better now that he was restoring the beloved town idol. He didn’t care for it actually. Derek preferred to hover, unnoticed in the background. He couldn’t really take the constant adoration. 

“Besides.” Boyd said, returning with Derek’s black coffee. “You need all the energy you can get. Santa needs to be dickless and repainted by Christmas.”

Derek frowned, lifting his coffee to his lips.

“Yeah, Derek, no one wants a naked Santa.” Erica observed and Derek coughed, choking on his coffee. 

~`*`~ ~`*`~~`*`~

The problem with Derek is that he had poor impulse control. He’d gotten better in recent years, but he could only handle so much, so it was on Christmas Eve, after he’d repainted Santa and was inspecting him to make sure that we was ready for the big reveal the next morning, that he finally lost it. 

Harder than he’d ever been in his life and completely alone on Main Street, his careful, inquisitive touches turned into long caresses. He’d strayed a few times since he’d started fixing the statue – a kiss to the thigh, a squeeze to the buttocks – but tonight was different. 

Derek pressed his body forward, feeling for the first time the long, firm build of Santa. His cock pressed into Santa’s lifeless hip and he groaned, keeping his ears tuned to any foreign noises that might indicate strangers as he rutted gently against the statue. A voice in the back of his head screamed at him to stop, but the rest of his body was singing with joy, the wolf inside him letting out a satisfied keen as Derek finally gave in to his desires. 

It was only for the one night, Derek told himself, getting a solid grip on Santa’s butt and humping into the statue’s crotch. 

“Fuck.” Derek moaned, reaching climax faster than he’d ever done before. He breathed harshly, cock twitching inside his pants and body shaking. A cool wind brushed the light layer of sweat that had sprung up on his neck, and for the first time in weeks he felt like he could finally think clearly. 

Derek pulled away quickly, shame coiling in his gut. Gathering his supplies and sparing one last glance to make sure he hadn’t left a trace of his activities, he quickly fled, going into his car and leaving the area. 

~`*`~ ~`*`~ ~`*`~

Derek was expected at the Big Reveal on Christmas Day. He had to show up, so despite his nerves, he put on his best suit and left his house, driving to the town the square. A giant Canvas was thrown over the statue, shielding it from view, and the crowd gathered eagerly. A podium had been set up, and Derek was instructed to sit there, where he crossed his legs uncomfortably and listened to Mayor Deaton give a speech in his honour. 

“And now,” Deaton announced after nearly twenty minutes, “For what you’ve all been waiting for – our completely restored town statue!”

Sheriff Stilinski got up, pulling back the canvas to reveal….nothing.

The crowd gasped. 

“Our statue! It’s gone!” A lady shouted. Angry grumbles sounded after that and Derek found himself facing a mob of very unhappy Christmastown residents. 

“Now now.” Deaton said, frowning. “I’m sure there’s an explanation.”

“How was the cloth even being held up-” Someone started to ask, but everyone ignored them. 

Derek gaped at the empty space. “It was here last night.” He said, ignoring the blush he felt blooming when he remembered just what he’d been doing with the statue.  
“How could it have just disappeared?” Someone yelled from the crowd. The angry murmurs started up again. 

Derek felt lost and confused and his wolf was beginning to react to being cornered when they were interrupted by a voice. 

“HO HO HO!” A loud shout emerged from the rooftop of City Hall. Everyone turned their attention to the Santa Claus standing on the government building. 

“Santa?” Deaton said, voice travelling through the microphone.

“Yes, it is I, Santa.”

“But how?” A lady asked. 

“I was cursed by an evil gnome. Frozen, I was doomed to spend eternity here until that young man brought me back to life.” Santa explained, pointing at Derek.  
Everyone looked at him in shock. 

“If it were not for him, I would have been stuck as the town statue forever.”

Derek blushed, gazing at Santa in shock. 

“You were real?” Derek muttered, though Santa seemed to hear him.

“Yes, young Hale. I was real, and I heard everything you said. Please, come with me back to the North Pole and we can live together for the rest of eternity.”

Santa climbed down from the roof and walked through the crowd, coming up onto the stage and standing in front of Derek. “I love you Derek Hale. Will you marry me?”

Derek blinked in surprise. “Yes, yes I will.”

They kissed and the crowd applauded. 

_**Epilogue:** _

_Derek and Santa left Christmastown and went to the North Pole, where Joulupukki (the evil gnome who’d cursed Santa) had been holding Jokul (Santa’s assistant) prisoner and been forcing the elves to work in unfair conditions. Derek and Santa defeated Joulupukki and freed Jokul and the elves. Much beloved across the North Pole, they lived happily for all eternity, loving each other and bringing joy to the world._

_The End._


End file.
